Friday, October 22, 2010
Thursday, October 21, 2010
Proverbs 3:5
Trust in the Lord with all thy heart, and lean not into thy own understanding; In all thy ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths.
Dear Lord,
This is my prayer today, You know the situation and the need. I give this to You and know that You will take care of it for me. Please give me the strength and the grace to wholly leave it with you and to not worry about it and fully accept that this is all in Your plan and that You have the situation in control. I thank You for the many blessings that I am so undeserving of, yet You continue to bless me with.
In Your name, I pray,
Amen.
Dear Lord,
This is my prayer today, You know the situation and the need. I give this to You and know that You will take care of it for me. Please give me the strength and the grace to wholly leave it with you and to not worry about it and fully accept that this is all in Your plan and that You have the situation in control. I thank You for the many blessings that I am so undeserving of, yet You continue to bless me with.
In Your name, I pray,
Amen.
Tuesday, October 19, 2010
So I finally had a breakdown...
So... as you can tell from my next to last post, we are fighting the infertility battle. I do have to comment on myself and say that I have taken all of this pretty well so far. I mean the dr appointments, the lab work, the counting the days, the medicine, the "scheduling", the finding out about my PCOS and not to mention surgery.
But tonight every thing came to a head when that stupid little pink and white stick only had one line. Have you ever lost it?? Because I LOST IT!! Breakdown mode in full force, the whole snotty, squawling, ugly red and puffy face breakdown. Have you ever felt like you were banging your head against a brick wall while running in circles and going nowhere while spinning your wheels and falling without a net. Well that about sums it up. OF COURSE, I know that it is hormones and that it is that time of the month (my sweet husband's explanation as well) but Lord help me I felt so frustrated and hopeless and that everything was just going to pieces and Motherhood was never gonna happen for me. So it was time for a breakdown.
I mean working as a L&D nurse, you see ALL KINDS that are able to have babies, but why not you is the question that you begin to ask yourself. The job becomes tougher and sometimes harder to deal with but, I LOVE my job and what I am able to do and try not to lose focus of that.
I know that all will happen when it is meant to be and it is "God's plan" but you don't know how sick I have gotten of hearing about that. I believe it and all but really you don't have to continually remind me of that when I feel the way I do thank you very much!! I am very much a Christian and fully believe that my Lord has a plan and it is all according to Him, but at that moment I was in complete self mode and didn't want to be consoled with that. I have left it up to Him but it is hard to remember that when in self mode, I assure you.
So in the end , the breakdown helped, a little talk with Him helped, my wonderful co-workers (that are really some of the best friends I have and have been right beside me this whole time) helped and lastly my sweet hubby, who in his own way says the right thing at the right time in these situations helped. So a big thank you to all of them, and sometimes, you just need a breakdown.
But tonight every thing came to a head when that stupid little pink and white stick only had one line. Have you ever lost it?? Because I LOST IT!! Breakdown mode in full force, the whole snotty, squawling, ugly red and puffy face breakdown. Have you ever felt like you were banging your head against a brick wall while running in circles and going nowhere while spinning your wheels and falling without a net. Well that about sums it up. OF COURSE, I know that it is hormones and that it is that time of the month (my sweet husband's explanation as well) but Lord help me I felt so frustrated and hopeless and that everything was just going to pieces and Motherhood was never gonna happen for me. So it was time for a breakdown.
I mean working as a L&D nurse, you see ALL KINDS that are able to have babies, but why not you is the question that you begin to ask yourself. The job becomes tougher and sometimes harder to deal with but, I LOVE my job and what I am able to do and try not to lose focus of that.
I know that all will happen when it is meant to be and it is "God's plan" but you don't know how sick I have gotten of hearing about that. I believe it and all but really you don't have to continually remind me of that when I feel the way I do thank you very much!! I am very much a Christian and fully believe that my Lord has a plan and it is all according to Him, but at that moment I was in complete self mode and didn't want to be consoled with that. I have left it up to Him but it is hard to remember that when in self mode, I assure you.
So in the end , the breakdown helped, a little talk with Him helped, my wonderful co-workers (that are really some of the best friends I have and have been right beside me this whole time) helped and lastly my sweet hubby, who in his own way says the right thing at the right time in these situations helped. So a big thank you to all of them, and sometimes, you just need a breakdown.
Sunday, October 17, 2010
Jumping on the Coupon Bandwagon!!
I am attempting to become a thrifty shopper and be a coupon cutter. However, is this overwhelming to anyone else??
I am looking online and registering for coupons and samples on all these different sites and Good Lord, I even found a website that cuts the coupons for you and sends them to you for a small handleing fee.
BUT I will say that I have become more motivated that in the past when the other day I was standing in line to check out at Target and the lady in front of me puchased $58.00 worth of stuff for only $21.00. I saw how she did it and it clicked. I have heard all the people saying how much they had saved and that it could be done and watched the lady on tv, however, when I saw that lady get away with that much of a discount, I knew that it was something that I just had to try!! So I am overcoming this overwhelming feeling and purchasing a coupon organizer in the morning at Walmart and am going to attempt to become the thrifty shopper that I can be.
ANY SUGGESTIONS ARE HELPFUL AND APPRECIATED!!!
I am looking online and registering for coupons and samples on all these different sites and Good Lord, I even found a website that cuts the coupons for you and sends them to you for a small handleing fee.
BUT I will say that I have become more motivated that in the past when the other day I was standing in line to check out at Target and the lady in front of me puchased $58.00 worth of stuff for only $21.00. I saw how she did it and it clicked. I have heard all the people saying how much they had saved and that it could be done and watched the lady on tv, however, when I saw that lady get away with that much of a discount, I knew that it was something that I just had to try!! So I am overcoming this overwhelming feeling and purchasing a coupon organizer in the morning at Walmart and am going to attempt to become the thrifty shopper that I can be.
ANY SUGGESTIONS ARE HELPFUL AND APPRECIATED!!!
This Slacker gives you the Cliff Notes version!!!
Well so I have been such a blogging slacker. I do apologize. You see, I simply forgot all about it.
Just to bring you up to date on our lives since it looks like about the end of May - gosh I really am behind- it has been a whirlwind called life since then.
Well June was my birthday and I had a lovely time at Bridgestreet and dinner at Conner's with my hubbie! It just didn't seem that I was turning 25, like I am not still that young and not supposed to be that old all at the same time. I don't know. Age is just a number, right??
July we went to visit with Dr. Billue and had a "coming-to-Jesus" meeting about our infertility issues. I just nicely let him know that I was ready 5 min ago to have a baby, and what was the problem and why was this just not happening for us. So we decided that we would minitor this more closely and if conception did not happen with the next cycle then we would get more invasive. At this point I am still on clomid and he has upped the dose to 100 mg. Of course, impatient me, didn't like that answer, but what can you do?? So, obviously we didn't conceive this month, my progesterone level was almost non-existent at 0.2.
So in August I had a small out patient procedure where Dr Billue flushed out my fallopian tubes and took a look around on the inside. He did find some endometriosis and I did have cysts on my ovaries wich gained me the diagnosis of Polycystic Ovarian Sydrome (PCOS). He removed the endometriosis and the cysts and told me that if I was up to it and felt like it that we could attempt to conceive this month or wait until the next. He said that surgery may affect the way my cycle would progress. But impaitent me decided not to wait so I took the new dose of 150 mg of Clomid and I had my progetsterone level checked at the begining of Sept and it was a phenomenal 21.7. That was faboulous!! I think I have never been this excited over anything, however that was not to be our month. So now it was Kevin's turn to have some testing done now that Dr. Billue seemed to have straightened every thing out with me.
October has come upon us so fast, our 4th wedding anniversary was on the 7th and we took a getaway anniversary cruise/family vacation and have gotten home only a couple of days ago. I didn't get my blood level checked because we were out of town for those specific days. However, we did get Kevin's results back. (HE WOULD SO CRAWL INTO A BALL AND DIE IF HE KNEW I WAS BLOGGING THIS, BUT IT IS PART OF OUR STORY) To put it nicely, maybe delicately, is that what few are there, aren't the best swimmers. BUT...Dr. Billue said not to get discouraged because it is there and now that my system has "straightened out" that it still COULD happen. But, he wants to referr us to a urologist, for further testing and possible treatment.
So that is where we stand in this whole infertility/baby making fiasco, and that is the how life has been since my last blog post. So I do ask that you do say a little prayer for us when you think to, that if it is meant to be, it is my greatest desire to be a MOMMY.
Just to bring you up to date on our lives since it looks like about the end of May - gosh I really am behind- it has been a whirlwind called life since then.
Well June was my birthday and I had a lovely time at Bridgestreet and dinner at Conner's with my hubbie! It just didn't seem that I was turning 25, like I am not still that young and not supposed to be that old all at the same time. I don't know. Age is just a number, right??
July we went to visit with Dr. Billue and had a "coming-to-Jesus" meeting about our infertility issues. I just nicely let him know that I was ready 5 min ago to have a baby, and what was the problem and why was this just not happening for us. So we decided that we would minitor this more closely and if conception did not happen with the next cycle then we would get more invasive. At this point I am still on clomid and he has upped the dose to 100 mg. Of course, impatient me, didn't like that answer, but what can you do?? So, obviously we didn't conceive this month, my progesterone level was almost non-existent at 0.2.
So in August I had a small out patient procedure where Dr Billue flushed out my fallopian tubes and took a look around on the inside. He did find some endometriosis and I did have cysts on my ovaries wich gained me the diagnosis of Polycystic Ovarian Sydrome (PCOS). He removed the endometriosis and the cysts and told me that if I was up to it and felt like it that we could attempt to conceive this month or wait until the next. He said that surgery may affect the way my cycle would progress. But impaitent me decided not to wait so I took the new dose of 150 mg of Clomid and I had my progetsterone level checked at the begining of Sept and it was a phenomenal 21.7. That was faboulous!! I think I have never been this excited over anything, however that was not to be our month. So now it was Kevin's turn to have some testing done now that Dr. Billue seemed to have straightened every thing out with me.
October has come upon us so fast, our 4th wedding anniversary was on the 7th and we took a getaway anniversary cruise/family vacation and have gotten home only a couple of days ago. I didn't get my blood level checked because we were out of town for those specific days. However, we did get Kevin's results back. (HE WOULD SO CRAWL INTO A BALL AND DIE IF HE KNEW I WAS BLOGGING THIS, BUT IT IS PART OF OUR STORY) To put it nicely, maybe delicately, is that what few are there, aren't the best swimmers. BUT...Dr. Billue said not to get discouraged because it is there and now that my system has "straightened out" that it still COULD happen. But, he wants to referr us to a urologist, for further testing and possible treatment.
So that is where we stand in this whole infertility/baby making fiasco, and that is the how life has been since my last blog post. So I do ask that you do say a little prayer for us when you think to, that if it is meant to be, it is my greatest desire to be a MOMMY.
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