So I went today to see Dr. Campbell, my family doc, and he did comfirm the diagnosis of Type II Diabetes. But he seems to think that it is completely manageable with diet and exercise, plus the Glucophage XR that Dr. Harper started me on last week.
When we had our initial consultation on the 9th this month, I had began making some changes. So in addition to having already lowered my intake of sugar and cutting out almost all breads (sad I know), I had started working out with a friend from work when we get off in the mornings. (I had lost 2lbs in 2 wks as of Friday at Dr Harper's office.) Dr. Campbell seemed to think that this was a start in the right direction.
The only bad thing is, I have to start checking my blood sugar twice a day, but I can handle that.
I called and talked to Lynn at Dr.Harper's office and she was shocked, really, to find out that all this had happened so fast after just talking to me friday and giving me the instructions to follow up. My response..."I was just doing what you told me to and I am one determined woman to make this all happen and come together." I am still waiting to hear back from her and see what Dr. Harper wants to do next and when.
This is not just a diet anymore, it is a choice. A "have-to" choice. I have to get healthy and this under control now if I want to be here and be a healthy mommy for those babies and for my husband and family.
Again, thanks for the positive thoughts and prayers coming our way and I will do my best to keep you updated. God Bless!!
Tuesday, June 28, 2011
Saturday, June 25, 2011
Never knew how SWEET I was!!
So Friday (6/24) I went for a repeat visit with Dr. Harper's staff. Our round of Ovidrel with planned intercourse was not effective. I had to have more baseline labs and another baseline ultrasound done since Mother Nature found me once again.
Everything looked good on the ultrasound, so no problems there.
However, I didn't get good news on the lab work from the 13th.
I am diabetic.
I have a HgbA1C of 8.0 and an Insulin level of 39. For those of you who know anything about that then you know that it is high. Fot those of you who don't, that is the blood test that is done to check for diabetes. It should be 6.0 or lower and my insulin level should be less than 15.
More bad news is that Dr. Harper doesn't want to pursue any type of fertility treatment until my HgbA1C is <7.5, preferrably <6.5. He wants me to follow up with Dr Campbell at Lakeside Clinic who is my primary care doctor to get this under control. He believes this is necessary before getting pregnant because it can be detrimental to both me and a baby.
Treatment as of now is to take the Glucophage that Dr Harper prescribed and wait for my appointment with Dr. Campbell on Tuesday June 28th.
Not exactly the news and pattern of events I was hoping for at this time. Mostly disappointed and mad and frustrated with myself. But this is not just do-able, it is a necessity. Not just for me so I can be healthy and productive for myself, but for my future babies and my husband and family. I want to be here and be well.
I just have to keep remembering that God will make this trial a blessing!! If you have time, send a prayer our way!!
Thank you and God bless!!
Everything looked good on the ultrasound, so no problems there.
However, I didn't get good news on the lab work from the 13th.
I am diabetic.
I have a HgbA1C of 8.0 and an Insulin level of 39. For those of you who know anything about that then you know that it is high. Fot those of you who don't, that is the blood test that is done to check for diabetes. It should be 6.0 or lower and my insulin level should be less than 15.
More bad news is that Dr. Harper doesn't want to pursue any type of fertility treatment until my HgbA1C is <7.5, preferrably <6.5. He wants me to follow up with Dr Campbell at Lakeside Clinic who is my primary care doctor to get this under control. He believes this is necessary before getting pregnant because it can be detrimental to both me and a baby.
Treatment as of now is to take the Glucophage that Dr Harper prescribed and wait for my appointment with Dr. Campbell on Tuesday June 28th.
Not exactly the news and pattern of events I was hoping for at this time. Mostly disappointed and mad and frustrated with myself. But this is not just do-able, it is a necessity. Not just for me so I can be healthy and productive for myself, but for my future babies and my husband and family. I want to be here and be well.
I just have to keep remembering that God will make this trial a blessing!! If you have time, send a prayer our way!!
Thank you and God bless!!
Birthday from the horror film with a happy ending...
Crazy title, yes I know, but that is exactly what it was!!
I woke up to a nightmare 15 min before the alarm clock. Rabid gopher rats had be trapped on my kitchen table weilding a broom screaming for my life, and all of 15 min before the alarm clock was supposed to wake me up.
But all is fair in getting up early to make it to the hospital for a dear friends predicted all day delivery. And who better to take care of her on this day of delivery, but your's truely. However, Brenton had all different kinds of plans for us bright and early that morning.
On a side note, for those of you who are healthcare workers, we understand what it is to take care of our friends and family. Well, in labor and delivery it is no different. Some of those friends and family feel all the more comfortable having a familiar face there with them. So Steph and I had discussed this and she wanted me to labor and deliver her as much as I wanted to be there for her on this awesome day. Because, no matter what her firstborn son was destined to have the same birthday as me and his grandmother, Steph's mom. I was super excited to say the least.
Things went all wrong, as they are sometimes enevitable to do. Delivering Steph turned into being her complete support system during a horrifying and scary situation that she was alone in. It was a crazy fiasco that could have turned out a lot worse than it did. So, after getting Brenton here via emergency c-section that morning at 0839, my day surely had to get better right??.....WRONG!!
Brenton didn't tolerate delivery very well and wasn't doing so hot on this side of the womb. We were going to have to ship him out to the bigger hosp.
Supposed to get better now.....that's what you think.
Mother Nature decides to present me with my birthday gift as well, all in the midst of the L&D unit doing another emergency c-section, and my co-workers wishing I would get my paperwork done and go home already. Apparently I was carrying the "black cloud" for the day.
So after boating, I mean driving home in the torrential down pour, I just want a shower and to sit down.
Kevin and I get home about the same time, him right after me, and he wants to know where I would like to go out to eat for my birthday supper.
Really??...Go out??...In this weather and being this tired??....OK, really what have I got better to do.
Now...Finally...Getting better...
Top O' The River is chosen and during our surprisingly fabulous dinner, we got to sit lake-side and watch the beautiful sunset that had made its way through the storm.
That made it all seem to be better.
So what did I get for my birthday??
1. A miricale baby 2. To be someone's rock 3. Laughter and Confidence 4. Good food made even better by great conversation. AND 5. A Sunset
Thank you Lord for smiling on me for my birthday and blessing me with another one.
I woke up to a nightmare 15 min before the alarm clock. Rabid gopher rats had be trapped on my kitchen table weilding a broom screaming for my life, and all of 15 min before the alarm clock was supposed to wake me up.
But all is fair in getting up early to make it to the hospital for a dear friends predicted all day delivery. And who better to take care of her on this day of delivery, but your's truely. However, Brenton had all different kinds of plans for us bright and early that morning.
On a side note, for those of you who are healthcare workers, we understand what it is to take care of our friends and family. Well, in labor and delivery it is no different. Some of those friends and family feel all the more comfortable having a familiar face there with them. So Steph and I had discussed this and she wanted me to labor and deliver her as much as I wanted to be there for her on this awesome day. Because, no matter what her firstborn son was destined to have the same birthday as me and his grandmother, Steph's mom. I was super excited to say the least.
Things went all wrong, as they are sometimes enevitable to do. Delivering Steph turned into being her complete support system during a horrifying and scary situation that she was alone in. It was a crazy fiasco that could have turned out a lot worse than it did. So, after getting Brenton here via emergency c-section that morning at 0839, my day surely had to get better right??.....WRONG!!
Brenton didn't tolerate delivery very well and wasn't doing so hot on this side of the womb. We were going to have to ship him out to the bigger hosp.
Supposed to get better now.....that's what you think.
Mother Nature decides to present me with my birthday gift as well, all in the midst of the L&D unit doing another emergency c-section, and my co-workers wishing I would get my paperwork done and go home already. Apparently I was carrying the "black cloud" for the day.
So after boating, I mean driving home in the torrential down pour, I just want a shower and to sit down.
Kevin and I get home about the same time, him right after me, and he wants to know where I would like to go out to eat for my birthday supper.
Really??...Go out??...In this weather and being this tired??....OK, really what have I got better to do.
Now...Finally...Getting better...
Top O' The River is chosen and during our surprisingly fabulous dinner, we got to sit lake-side and watch the beautiful sunset that had made its way through the storm.
That made it all seem to be better.
So what did I get for my birthday??
1. A miricale baby 2. To be someone's rock 3. Laughter and Confidence 4. Good food made even better by great conversation. AND 5. A Sunset
Thank you Lord for smiling on me for my birthday and blessing me with another one.
Monday, June 13, 2011
3-2-1 FLY!!
It is pretty bad when you look at your blog and realize that it has been almost 7 months since you have made an entry. That is way behind.
Thankful November was never finished. Just a little bit of my personality shining through. One who begins great tasks with the intention of finishing, but never really getting it all done. Not to say that I was tremendously greatful the rest of November, I was just too busy to blog about it.
Fast Forward to June - present day.
As some of you readers know, we have had our struggle getting pregnant. Let me catch you up on that situation since I would like to turn this blog into a journal page for me and my future children of how I can remember their story and they will know how hard we worked to get them here. So this is a little of how that journey began.
Back in March, I re-visited Dr Billue, and made our wishes known that we were ready to take the baby-making business to the next level. After over 2 years of attempting with no success, it was time. At that time, Dr. Billue and Betsy referred, very highly reccomended, us out to a reproductive endocrinologist, Dr Andrew Harper. My appointment finally rolled around June 9th. (4 days ago). I know now why he comes so highly reccommended. We absolutely loved him. Very kind and compassionate with a sincere and genuine desire to "help" us attain pregnancy. During our consultation, we discussed our options...plan of care being, see what happens with this current cycle, then if unsuccessful, move on to IUI (intrauterine insemination.) Labs and U/S to be done on Monday (13th).
So today, well actually yesterday since I am up blogging after midnight, I went if for labs and U/S. After no less than 15 (yes, I counted) tubes of blood and almost passing out, I met Christine, who is my primary care nurse, and preformed the trans-vaginal U/S. All looked normal with a slight retro-verted uterus (a normal variant). My ovary on the left looked small and inactive this month and the R ovary looked as if it had just ovulated because it had a good sized fluid-filled sac (not a cyst - I asked) on the interior side. Christine will have rounds with Dr. Harper after lunch and will then call me in the afternoon for update. So I am expecting to hear back from her later, with probable, standard news about lab results and my next appointment.
Afterward I went home to work on homework and study for a test in all hopes of taking my mind off of all this stuff, because like it or not, I have a ton of other stuff going on. In the middle of a Mark Twain power point, I receive a phone call from Christine as expected. "Good news," she says, "that large thing that was coming off your ovary is not a fluid-filled sac, that was a follicle we saw. According to your lab work, you are ovulating. TODAY!"
Me "That's crazy!!"
Christine "I know but we are going with it. I am calling you in some medicine and we need to get going today."
Me "Wow...ok...When and where?"
So after all that and a self-injection, we are going with it and waiting and seeing.
It actually feels like we are making progress. Even though it was just a consultation I felt really good about it and had a good feeling all weekend. I was totally unsuspecting and had the thoughts that this could take a while and didn't have high expectations at all. Over the weekend a friend asked if I was ok with all that was going on and I compared it to riding that 3-2-1 FLY ride at the beach. It seems like forever to get to the top. We are being pulled up and up and up, and we get to the top finally and we are waiting on that person to pull the release to give us the ride of our lives. Our problem is we don't know if we are still going up or about to pull the release. But its ok, because I finally let go and I am finally waiting and seeing myself.
Thankful November was never finished. Just a little bit of my personality shining through. One who begins great tasks with the intention of finishing, but never really getting it all done. Not to say that I was tremendously greatful the rest of November, I was just too busy to blog about it.
Fast Forward to June - present day.
As some of you readers know, we have had our struggle getting pregnant. Let me catch you up on that situation since I would like to turn this blog into a journal page for me and my future children of how I can remember their story and they will know how hard we worked to get them here. So this is a little of how that journey began.
Back in March, I re-visited Dr Billue, and made our wishes known that we were ready to take the baby-making business to the next level. After over 2 years of attempting with no success, it was time. At that time, Dr. Billue and Betsy referred, very highly reccomended, us out to a reproductive endocrinologist, Dr Andrew Harper. My appointment finally rolled around June 9th. (4 days ago). I know now why he comes so highly reccommended. We absolutely loved him. Very kind and compassionate with a sincere and genuine desire to "help" us attain pregnancy. During our consultation, we discussed our options...plan of care being, see what happens with this current cycle, then if unsuccessful, move on to IUI (intrauterine insemination.) Labs and U/S to be done on Monday (13th).
So today, well actually yesterday since I am up blogging after midnight, I went if for labs and U/S. After no less than 15 (yes, I counted) tubes of blood and almost passing out, I met Christine, who is my primary care nurse, and preformed the trans-vaginal U/S. All looked normal with a slight retro-verted uterus (a normal variant). My ovary on the left looked small and inactive this month and the R ovary looked as if it had just ovulated because it had a good sized fluid-filled sac (not a cyst - I asked) on the interior side. Christine will have rounds with Dr. Harper after lunch and will then call me in the afternoon for update. So I am expecting to hear back from her later, with probable, standard news about lab results and my next appointment.
Afterward I went home to work on homework and study for a test in all hopes of taking my mind off of all this stuff, because like it or not, I have a ton of other stuff going on. In the middle of a Mark Twain power point, I receive a phone call from Christine as expected. "Good news," she says, "that large thing that was coming off your ovary is not a fluid-filled sac, that was a follicle we saw. According to your lab work, you are ovulating. TODAY!"
Me "That's crazy!!"
Christine "I know but we are going with it. I am calling you in some medicine and we need to get going today."
Me "Wow...ok...When and where?"
So after all that and a self-injection, we are going with it and waiting and seeing.
It actually feels like we are making progress. Even though it was just a consultation I felt really good about it and had a good feeling all weekend. I was totally unsuspecting and had the thoughts that this could take a while and didn't have high expectations at all. Over the weekend a friend asked if I was ok with all that was going on and I compared it to riding that 3-2-1 FLY ride at the beach. It seems like forever to get to the top. We are being pulled up and up and up, and we get to the top finally and we are waiting on that person to pull the release to give us the ride of our lives. Our problem is we don't know if we are still going up or about to pull the release. But its ok, because I finally let go and I am finally waiting and seeing myself.
Thursday, November 18, 2010
Thankful November (cont'd)
So, in following with the previous post, I am going to continue being thankful each day in November, I know I am a little behind as I was slow to start, but each day I am truly thankful for all that I have.
15th I am thankful for my wonderful in-laws, because without them I wouldn't have my wonderful husband and they truly are some of the best people that I know.
16th I am thankful for my fabulous Poppaw, who turned 93 on this day. Each day that we continue to have him here with us is a blessing for he is a truly wonderful man who has lived a full and happy life. I am very thankful that I have been blessed to have my full 25 1/2 years with him and look forward to as many more as I can get. He is a true example of what a father, grandfather, husband and friend should be and I love him dearly.
17th I am thankful for my home, I know that it isn't much and it is old and in desperate need of new siding, but it is mine and I am proud of it and blessed to have it.
18th I am thankful for a good book, because no matter what I can curl up with one for a little while and escape and be transported to a completely different place or time.
15th I am thankful for my wonderful in-laws, because without them I wouldn't have my wonderful husband and they truly are some of the best people that I know.
16th I am thankful for my fabulous Poppaw, who turned 93 on this day. Each day that we continue to have him here with us is a blessing for he is a truly wonderful man who has lived a full and happy life. I am very thankful that I have been blessed to have my full 25 1/2 years with him and look forward to as many more as I can get. He is a true example of what a father, grandfather, husband and friend should be and I love him dearly.
17th I am thankful for my home, I know that it isn't much and it is old and in desperate need of new siding, but it is mine and I am proud of it and blessed to have it.
18th I am thankful for a good book, because no matter what I can curl up with one for a little while and escape and be transported to a completely different place or time.
Sunday, November 14, 2010
Thankful November
I am a little behind in blogging and that is no fault but my own, I just simply forget about it and don't do it. But I am sorry and I will make an effort to be better.
Seeing is how it is already November (this year has FLEW by) and the month of Thanksgiving, I am going to attempt to be thankful each day for something. I have noticed this going around on Facebook. So I will start by catching up the 1st thru the 14th, and yes, they do correspond with the days in the order they are listed.
1st. I am thankful for my hubby. He is a good man that loves me unconditionally.
2nd. I am thankful for my family. Without them I would be nothing.
3rd. I am thankful for being a Christian and having a Savior that loves me and forgives me no matter what!!
4th. I am thankful for my mom (yes I know I have already said family, but this lady deserves a special mention) because she is my best friend.
5th. I am thankful for being an Arabian Knight, and being proud of my hometown team for their win and getting into the playoffs!!
6th. I am thankful for simple country craft shows, because they make me happy.
7th. I am thankful for Sunday afternoon naps and cuddle time with my hubby.
8th. I am thankful for being on call on dreary Monday mornings!
9th. I am thankful for my wonderful job, when so many are less fortunate and are without.
10th. I am thankful for good friends that make me laugh and make the day go by swiftly.
11th. I am thankful for our country's veterans that sacrifice so much so that I have freedoms
and privileges that would otherwise be non-existent without it.
12th. I am thankful for family dinner night becuase when we all put in together and we are all gathered together it makes the food taste better.
13th. I am thankful for sunny, breezy fall days when I can hang out clothes on the line to dry.
14th. I am thankful for a good pastor and pastor's wife because their teachings and examples help lead me in the way that I need to go.
Seeing is how it is already November (this year has FLEW by) and the month of Thanksgiving, I am going to attempt to be thankful each day for something. I have noticed this going around on Facebook. So I will start by catching up the 1st thru the 14th, and yes, they do correspond with the days in the order they are listed.
1st. I am thankful for my hubby. He is a good man that loves me unconditionally.
2nd. I am thankful for my family. Without them I would be nothing.
3rd. I am thankful for being a Christian and having a Savior that loves me and forgives me no matter what!!
4th. I am thankful for my mom (yes I know I have already said family, but this lady deserves a special mention) because she is my best friend.
5th. I am thankful for being an Arabian Knight, and being proud of my hometown team for their win and getting into the playoffs!!
6th. I am thankful for simple country craft shows, because they make me happy.
7th. I am thankful for Sunday afternoon naps and cuddle time with my hubby.
8th. I am thankful for being on call on dreary Monday mornings!
9th. I am thankful for my wonderful job, when so many are less fortunate and are without.
10th. I am thankful for good friends that make me laugh and make the day go by swiftly.
11th. I am thankful for our country's veterans that sacrifice so much so that I have freedoms
and privileges that would otherwise be non-existent without it.
12th. I am thankful for family dinner night becuase when we all put in together and we are all gathered together it makes the food taste better.
13th. I am thankful for sunny, breezy fall days when I can hang out clothes on the line to dry.
14th. I am thankful for a good pastor and pastor's wife because their teachings and examples help lead me in the way that I need to go.
Friday, October 22, 2010
Thursday, October 21, 2010
Proverbs 3:5
Trust in the Lord with all thy heart, and lean not into thy own understanding; In all thy ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths.
Dear Lord,
This is my prayer today, You know the situation and the need. I give this to You and know that You will take care of it for me. Please give me the strength and the grace to wholly leave it with you and to not worry about it and fully accept that this is all in Your plan and that You have the situation in control. I thank You for the many blessings that I am so undeserving of, yet You continue to bless me with.
In Your name, I pray,
Amen.
Dear Lord,
This is my prayer today, You know the situation and the need. I give this to You and know that You will take care of it for me. Please give me the strength and the grace to wholly leave it with you and to not worry about it and fully accept that this is all in Your plan and that You have the situation in control. I thank You for the many blessings that I am so undeserving of, yet You continue to bless me with.
In Your name, I pray,
Amen.
Tuesday, October 19, 2010
So I finally had a breakdown...
So... as you can tell from my next to last post, we are fighting the infertility battle. I do have to comment on myself and say that I have taken all of this pretty well so far. I mean the dr appointments, the lab work, the counting the days, the medicine, the "scheduling", the finding out about my PCOS and not to mention surgery.
But tonight every thing came to a head when that stupid little pink and white stick only had one line. Have you ever lost it?? Because I LOST IT!! Breakdown mode in full force, the whole snotty, squawling, ugly red and puffy face breakdown. Have you ever felt like you were banging your head against a brick wall while running in circles and going nowhere while spinning your wheels and falling without a net. Well that about sums it up. OF COURSE, I know that it is hormones and that it is that time of the month (my sweet husband's explanation as well) but Lord help me I felt so frustrated and hopeless and that everything was just going to pieces and Motherhood was never gonna happen for me. So it was time for a breakdown.
I mean working as a L&D nurse, you see ALL KINDS that are able to have babies, but why not you is the question that you begin to ask yourself. The job becomes tougher and sometimes harder to deal with but, I LOVE my job and what I am able to do and try not to lose focus of that.
I know that all will happen when it is meant to be and it is "God's plan" but you don't know how sick I have gotten of hearing about that. I believe it and all but really you don't have to continually remind me of that when I feel the way I do thank you very much!! I am very much a Christian and fully believe that my Lord has a plan and it is all according to Him, but at that moment I was in complete self mode and didn't want to be consoled with that. I have left it up to Him but it is hard to remember that when in self mode, I assure you.
So in the end , the breakdown helped, a little talk with Him helped, my wonderful co-workers (that are really some of the best friends I have and have been right beside me this whole time) helped and lastly my sweet hubby, who in his own way says the right thing at the right time in these situations helped. So a big thank you to all of them, and sometimes, you just need a breakdown.
But tonight every thing came to a head when that stupid little pink and white stick only had one line. Have you ever lost it?? Because I LOST IT!! Breakdown mode in full force, the whole snotty, squawling, ugly red and puffy face breakdown. Have you ever felt like you were banging your head against a brick wall while running in circles and going nowhere while spinning your wheels and falling without a net. Well that about sums it up. OF COURSE, I know that it is hormones and that it is that time of the month (my sweet husband's explanation as well) but Lord help me I felt so frustrated and hopeless and that everything was just going to pieces and Motherhood was never gonna happen for me. So it was time for a breakdown.
I mean working as a L&D nurse, you see ALL KINDS that are able to have babies, but why not you is the question that you begin to ask yourself. The job becomes tougher and sometimes harder to deal with but, I LOVE my job and what I am able to do and try not to lose focus of that.
I know that all will happen when it is meant to be and it is "God's plan" but you don't know how sick I have gotten of hearing about that. I believe it and all but really you don't have to continually remind me of that when I feel the way I do thank you very much!! I am very much a Christian and fully believe that my Lord has a plan and it is all according to Him, but at that moment I was in complete self mode and didn't want to be consoled with that. I have left it up to Him but it is hard to remember that when in self mode, I assure you.
So in the end , the breakdown helped, a little talk with Him helped, my wonderful co-workers (that are really some of the best friends I have and have been right beside me this whole time) helped and lastly my sweet hubby, who in his own way says the right thing at the right time in these situations helped. So a big thank you to all of them, and sometimes, you just need a breakdown.
Sunday, October 17, 2010
Jumping on the Coupon Bandwagon!!
I am attempting to become a thrifty shopper and be a coupon cutter. However, is this overwhelming to anyone else??
I am looking online and registering for coupons and samples on all these different sites and Good Lord, I even found a website that cuts the coupons for you and sends them to you for a small handleing fee.
BUT I will say that I have become more motivated that in the past when the other day I was standing in line to check out at Target and the lady in front of me puchased $58.00 worth of stuff for only $21.00. I saw how she did it and it clicked. I have heard all the people saying how much they had saved and that it could be done and watched the lady on tv, however, when I saw that lady get away with that much of a discount, I knew that it was something that I just had to try!! So I am overcoming this overwhelming feeling and purchasing a coupon organizer in the morning at Walmart and am going to attempt to become the thrifty shopper that I can be.
ANY SUGGESTIONS ARE HELPFUL AND APPRECIATED!!!
I am looking online and registering for coupons and samples on all these different sites and Good Lord, I even found a website that cuts the coupons for you and sends them to you for a small handleing fee.
BUT I will say that I have become more motivated that in the past when the other day I was standing in line to check out at Target and the lady in front of me puchased $58.00 worth of stuff for only $21.00. I saw how she did it and it clicked. I have heard all the people saying how much they had saved and that it could be done and watched the lady on tv, however, when I saw that lady get away with that much of a discount, I knew that it was something that I just had to try!! So I am overcoming this overwhelming feeling and purchasing a coupon organizer in the morning at Walmart and am going to attempt to become the thrifty shopper that I can be.
ANY SUGGESTIONS ARE HELPFUL AND APPRECIATED!!!
This Slacker gives you the Cliff Notes version!!!
Well so I have been such a blogging slacker. I do apologize. You see, I simply forgot all about it.
Just to bring you up to date on our lives since it looks like about the end of May - gosh I really am behind- it has been a whirlwind called life since then.
Well June was my birthday and I had a lovely time at Bridgestreet and dinner at Conner's with my hubbie! It just didn't seem that I was turning 25, like I am not still that young and not supposed to be that old all at the same time. I don't know. Age is just a number, right??
July we went to visit with Dr. Billue and had a "coming-to-Jesus" meeting about our infertility issues. I just nicely let him know that I was ready 5 min ago to have a baby, and what was the problem and why was this just not happening for us. So we decided that we would minitor this more closely and if conception did not happen with the next cycle then we would get more invasive. At this point I am still on clomid and he has upped the dose to 100 mg. Of course, impatient me, didn't like that answer, but what can you do?? So, obviously we didn't conceive this month, my progesterone level was almost non-existent at 0.2.
So in August I had a small out patient procedure where Dr Billue flushed out my fallopian tubes and took a look around on the inside. He did find some endometriosis and I did have cysts on my ovaries wich gained me the diagnosis of Polycystic Ovarian Sydrome (PCOS). He removed the endometriosis and the cysts and told me that if I was up to it and felt like it that we could attempt to conceive this month or wait until the next. He said that surgery may affect the way my cycle would progress. But impaitent me decided not to wait so I took the new dose of 150 mg of Clomid and I had my progetsterone level checked at the begining of Sept and it was a phenomenal 21.7. That was faboulous!! I think I have never been this excited over anything, however that was not to be our month. So now it was Kevin's turn to have some testing done now that Dr. Billue seemed to have straightened every thing out with me.
October has come upon us so fast, our 4th wedding anniversary was on the 7th and we took a getaway anniversary cruise/family vacation and have gotten home only a couple of days ago. I didn't get my blood level checked because we were out of town for those specific days. However, we did get Kevin's results back. (HE WOULD SO CRAWL INTO A BALL AND DIE IF HE KNEW I WAS BLOGGING THIS, BUT IT IS PART OF OUR STORY) To put it nicely, maybe delicately, is that what few are there, aren't the best swimmers. BUT...Dr. Billue said not to get discouraged because it is there and now that my system has "straightened out" that it still COULD happen. But, he wants to referr us to a urologist, for further testing and possible treatment.
So that is where we stand in this whole infertility/baby making fiasco, and that is the how life has been since my last blog post. So I do ask that you do say a little prayer for us when you think to, that if it is meant to be, it is my greatest desire to be a MOMMY.
Just to bring you up to date on our lives since it looks like about the end of May - gosh I really am behind- it has been a whirlwind called life since then.
Well June was my birthday and I had a lovely time at Bridgestreet and dinner at Conner's with my hubbie! It just didn't seem that I was turning 25, like I am not still that young and not supposed to be that old all at the same time. I don't know. Age is just a number, right??
July we went to visit with Dr. Billue and had a "coming-to-Jesus" meeting about our infertility issues. I just nicely let him know that I was ready 5 min ago to have a baby, and what was the problem and why was this just not happening for us. So we decided that we would minitor this more closely and if conception did not happen with the next cycle then we would get more invasive. At this point I am still on clomid and he has upped the dose to 100 mg. Of course, impatient me, didn't like that answer, but what can you do?? So, obviously we didn't conceive this month, my progesterone level was almost non-existent at 0.2.
So in August I had a small out patient procedure where Dr Billue flushed out my fallopian tubes and took a look around on the inside. He did find some endometriosis and I did have cysts on my ovaries wich gained me the diagnosis of Polycystic Ovarian Sydrome (PCOS). He removed the endometriosis and the cysts and told me that if I was up to it and felt like it that we could attempt to conceive this month or wait until the next. He said that surgery may affect the way my cycle would progress. But impaitent me decided not to wait so I took the new dose of 150 mg of Clomid and I had my progetsterone level checked at the begining of Sept and it was a phenomenal 21.7. That was faboulous!! I think I have never been this excited over anything, however that was not to be our month. So now it was Kevin's turn to have some testing done now that Dr. Billue seemed to have straightened every thing out with me.
October has come upon us so fast, our 4th wedding anniversary was on the 7th and we took a getaway anniversary cruise/family vacation and have gotten home only a couple of days ago. I didn't get my blood level checked because we were out of town for those specific days. However, we did get Kevin's results back. (HE WOULD SO CRAWL INTO A BALL AND DIE IF HE KNEW I WAS BLOGGING THIS, BUT IT IS PART OF OUR STORY) To put it nicely, maybe delicately, is that what few are there, aren't the best swimmers. BUT...Dr. Billue said not to get discouraged because it is there and now that my system has "straightened out" that it still COULD happen. But, he wants to referr us to a urologist, for further testing and possible treatment.
So that is where we stand in this whole infertility/baby making fiasco, and that is the how life has been since my last blog post. So I do ask that you do say a little prayer for us when you think to, that if it is meant to be, it is my greatest desire to be a MOMMY.
Wednesday, May 26, 2010
10 Totally Random Thoughts
This must be Random Wednesday, because that is just how I am feeling. But this is just a bit about me.
~1~ I am absolutely crazy about my husband and love each day that I get to spend with him. He makes me laugh and smile daily. I cannot wait to see us in 50 years!!
~2~ I love being a L&D nurse, but I am still uncertain what I want to be when I grow up.
~3~ My mother is my BEST FRIEND!!
~4~We are ready to start a family and i want to have a baby, but I am scared I won't be able to. I know I am meant to be a Mommy. I know it is all in the grand scheme of things one day, and I am not in charge of this, but it is tough some days to deal.
~5~ Retail therapy is my downfall. Shoes, purses, a new outfit can make me feel better in an instant.
~6~ I want to travel!! Greece, Italy, British Virgin Islands, Mexico, Ireland, Scottland, Germany, Canada, and more.
~7~ I am such a bookworm. I love to read!!
~8~I think this blog has become my therapy venting sessions. AND I enjoy it.
~9~ I HATE house cleaning!!
~10~ I love and hate having naturally curly hair. I mean, really, some days it is fabulous, like when it is pouring down rain, or in August when the humidity is 110%, but some times it is completely unruly.
~1~ I am absolutely crazy about my husband and love each day that I get to spend with him. He makes me laugh and smile daily. I cannot wait to see us in 50 years!!
~2~ I love being a L&D nurse, but I am still uncertain what I want to be when I grow up.
~3~ My mother is my BEST FRIEND!!
~4~We are ready to start a family and i want to have a baby, but I am scared I won't be able to. I know I am meant to be a Mommy. I know it is all in the grand scheme of things one day, and I am not in charge of this, but it is tough some days to deal.
~5~ Retail therapy is my downfall. Shoes, purses, a new outfit can make me feel better in an instant.
~6~ I want to travel!! Greece, Italy, British Virgin Islands, Mexico, Ireland, Scottland, Germany, Canada, and more.
~7~ I am such a bookworm. I love to read!!
~8~I think this blog has become my therapy venting sessions. AND I enjoy it.
~9~ I HATE house cleaning!!
~10~ I love and hate having naturally curly hair. I mean, really, some days it is fabulous, like when it is pouring down rain, or in August when the humidity is 110%, but some times it is completely unruly.
Early Morning Ramblings
So it has been a while to those of you who read and follow this blog, but life has been a little busy.
Day to day hassels and life and work in general have taken precedence over this blog, so here is a little catch up.
Since Mother's Day, we have celebrated Kevin's birthday (actually the night before) with a trip to Bass Pro Shops (Kevin's FAVORITE place in the world) and dinner at Logan's. Other than getting lost and turned around and "misplaced" on the interstate, it was a fairly fun trip. Then on his birthday he got called in to work, but did get to fish that afternoon. Guntersville Lake gave him the best present ever, a large 7-8 lb bass. He couldn't have been happier, and we got to grill out with at his parents house with his sister and nephew. He said that he couldn't have had a better day, even though he did get called into work.
Craig, my step-brother, is home from Afganistan (sp??). He has been out of touch with the family for approximately 2 1/2 years, so this is a change for us. He is currently staying with my Momma and Step-Daddy. We are happy to have him back in Alabama safe and sound and on US soil as well as just being here. He has missed a lot in the last couple of years, and has had his ups and down but I hope that he finds what he needs and wants.
In our small town, we have had a tragedy. A 22 year old female was killed in an aweful car accident. Freak accident really, one that we will never know what happened or why. I drive by the scene of the accident on my way to and from work. It is sad and it leaves a sick feeling in my gut when I see the memorial that her friends and family have placed there on the side of the road. It is a reminder that we are not promised tomorrow and that you never know what the day will hold.We are not promised tomorrow and I want my family and friends to know what they mean to me and that I love them dearly. I hope I show them enough. She was a young girl, going to college and planning a wedding, who had a family and a sister, and tons of friends, but I find myself wondering as I also re-evaluate myself and actions, if she knew where she was going when she passed.
I think that has been what has been on my heart the heaviest. I think that it has taken this tragedy and a few other instances that I won't mention to make me stand up and say "you need to look in the mirror first and start there." I am not the best Christian that God has to offer in his army. I know I don't live the way that I should and I am probably one that should be ashamed of my actions, rather than worry about others first. I am a Christian and I was saved when I was 11 years old. I have friends who are more worthy of praise for being outspoken about their walk with God and what He does for them in their lives. As I read other people's blogs I am inspired to be a better Christian, church member, wife, sister, nurse, friend, ect. I pray that I am forgiven for my previous actions and that thru this forgivness I find strength for what I am after. And then again, it is not all about what I want it is about what will be God's will. I look at the things in my life that I want to change or become better or make different, but I don't take those wishes or wants or needs to the One who will make it happen like I should. Am I a coward? I have never thought so before, but maybe I am. I want to do the right thing but am I willing to stand up on the right side and be apart of that. Weather it be someone who talks offensive or something bigger. I have a tendancy to be a people pleaser instead of a God pleaser I guess. So, I am asking for those of you that read this to say a little prayer for me that I will be able to change and be the person that God wants me to be and not the person that goes with the flow and what everyone else wants her to be. The first step in changing is that admittance that 1. you need to and 2. asking for help.
So, I am pleased to say that I am a Christian, a sinner saved by Grace, and that I am not perfect, and I would like to be better at doing what God would have me do. I am blessed beyond meassure and am surely undeserving of what I have been given. I know how I should live and act, so that is where I am starting. ME. I have got to be the one to put in the effort. So many times befor I have asked for forgiveness, and yes it is always there, but I have not put the effort in myself to make the change. It has just been "I wanna be better, do better, so God change me." This time it is ME.
"He never promised a victory without fighting, but He said help would always come in time"
So, I am beginning my battle for the victory that I strive for and He will be there when I need Him.
Day to day hassels and life and work in general have taken precedence over this blog, so here is a little catch up.
Since Mother's Day, we have celebrated Kevin's birthday (actually the night before) with a trip to Bass Pro Shops (Kevin's FAVORITE place in the world) and dinner at Logan's. Other than getting lost and turned around and "misplaced" on the interstate, it was a fairly fun trip. Then on his birthday he got called in to work, but did get to fish that afternoon. Guntersville Lake gave him the best present ever, a large 7-8 lb bass. He couldn't have been happier, and we got to grill out with at his parents house with his sister and nephew. He said that he couldn't have had a better day, even though he did get called into work.
Craig, my step-brother, is home from Afganistan (sp??). He has been out of touch with the family for approximately 2 1/2 years, so this is a change for us. He is currently staying with my Momma and Step-Daddy. We are happy to have him back in Alabama safe and sound and on US soil as well as just being here. He has missed a lot in the last couple of years, and has had his ups and down but I hope that he finds what he needs and wants.
In our small town, we have had a tragedy. A 22 year old female was killed in an aweful car accident. Freak accident really, one that we will never know what happened or why. I drive by the scene of the accident on my way to and from work. It is sad and it leaves a sick feeling in my gut when I see the memorial that her friends and family have placed there on the side of the road. It is a reminder that we are not promised tomorrow and that you never know what the day will hold.We are not promised tomorrow and I want my family and friends to know what they mean to me and that I love them dearly. I hope I show them enough. She was a young girl, going to college and planning a wedding, who had a family and a sister, and tons of friends, but I find myself wondering as I also re-evaluate myself and actions, if she knew where she was going when she passed.
I think that has been what has been on my heart the heaviest. I think that it has taken this tragedy and a few other instances that I won't mention to make me stand up and say "you need to look in the mirror first and start there." I am not the best Christian that God has to offer in his army. I know I don't live the way that I should and I am probably one that should be ashamed of my actions, rather than worry about others first. I am a Christian and I was saved when I was 11 years old. I have friends who are more worthy of praise for being outspoken about their walk with God and what He does for them in their lives. As I read other people's blogs I am inspired to be a better Christian, church member, wife, sister, nurse, friend, ect. I pray that I am forgiven for my previous actions and that thru this forgivness I find strength for what I am after. And then again, it is not all about what I want it is about what will be God's will. I look at the things in my life that I want to change or become better or make different, but I don't take those wishes or wants or needs to the One who will make it happen like I should. Am I a coward? I have never thought so before, but maybe I am. I want to do the right thing but am I willing to stand up on the right side and be apart of that. Weather it be someone who talks offensive or something bigger. I have a tendancy to be a people pleaser instead of a God pleaser I guess. So, I am asking for those of you that read this to say a little prayer for me that I will be able to change and be the person that God wants me to be and not the person that goes with the flow and what everyone else wants her to be. The first step in changing is that admittance that 1. you need to and 2. asking for help.
So, I am pleased to say that I am a Christian, a sinner saved by Grace, and that I am not perfect, and I would like to be better at doing what God would have me do. I am blessed beyond meassure and am surely undeserving of what I have been given. I know how I should live and act, so that is where I am starting. ME. I have got to be the one to put in the effort. So many times befor I have asked for forgiveness, and yes it is always there, but I have not put the effort in myself to make the change. It has just been "I wanna be better, do better, so God change me." This time it is ME.
"He never promised a victory without fighting, but He said help would always come in time"
So, I am beginning my battle for the victory that I strive for and He will be there when I need Him.
Sunday, May 9, 2010
CELEBRATING THE FABULOUS WOMEN IN MY LIFE DAY!!
Let me start by saying that I hope that all you wonderful, beautiful moms out there had a wonderful you day today. You are special women and have been blessed with the most awesome gift ever.
To my own beautiful mother, I hope that she has a great day. My mother is a wonderful woman, who is strong and smart and funny and couragous and loving and way too many more adjectives to describe her than I could ever list. She is my best friend and I would be lost without her. She is the mother that I someday hope that I can be.
My mother-in-law, who is better than anyone could ask for as a mother-n-law, is the most faithfully sound woman I know. I wish that I could have just an ounce of her faith and trust, that Someone more powerful is in control of everything and that He will take care of it all. She simply amazes me.
I am so blessed beyond measure to have some fabulous women in my life.I am thankful to have a mother, mother-in-law, step-mother, grandmothers, and friends around me that are such rocks in my life and give me great guidance and leadership. These women are there for me whenever I need anything and give without question or prejudice. To these women I would like to say thank you and I love you.
Today, I can only hope, as I praise these women, that one day, I can be the influence and guidance and love and "MOTHER" that these have been to me. I hope that one day that I can have such a miracle blessing in my life.
To my own beautiful mother, I hope that she has a great day. My mother is a wonderful woman, who is strong and smart and funny and couragous and loving and way too many more adjectives to describe her than I could ever list. She is my best friend and I would be lost without her. She is the mother that I someday hope that I can be.
My mother-in-law, who is better than anyone could ask for as a mother-n-law, is the most faithfully sound woman I know. I wish that I could have just an ounce of her faith and trust, that Someone more powerful is in control of everything and that He will take care of it all. She simply amazes me.
I am so blessed beyond measure to have some fabulous women in my life.I am thankful to have a mother, mother-in-law, step-mother, grandmothers, and friends around me that are such rocks in my life and give me great guidance and leadership. These women are there for me whenever I need anything and give without question or prejudice. To these women I would like to say thank you and I love you.
Today, I can only hope, as I praise these women, that one day, I can be the influence and guidance and love and "MOTHER" that these have been to me. I hope that one day that I can have such a miracle blessing in my life.
Me and Mom
Easter 2010
Thursday, May 6, 2010
"Vent Box" for the day
So I am a little disheartened this morning after my shift at work. And that is also mixed with a little anger and jealousy, which we all know is not a good combination. When I created this blog, I honestly had no idea what i would write, nor did I know that it would be somewhat therapuetic for me as sounding board for my thoughts or problems that I needed to just bounce around to noone in general. Well today it is my vent box!! Let me start at the begining and in doing so vent a little.
As you all know, I work as an RN in Labor and Delivery. I see miricales and magic happen right before my eyes and that is one of the reasons that I love my job. I really do. Not many people can say that. I enjoy my work and being involved in the births of babies and being there for their families and witnessing joy is awesome. This I have not made a secret and I hope that my patients and co-workers can attest to that fact.
However, something that I have kept somewhat of a discloseure is the fact that I envy every woman that I take care of. Simply they are mommies, and I am not. I KNOW that my time will eventually come when Someone other than me decides that it is time for that to happen. I know that it is in God's control. I understand that with my mind, it is just very difficult to tell my heart that. Kevin and I want a child very much at this time and have been attempting to create our own magical miricale for a little over a year now. I know that time frame is very minimal to what some couples go through to acheive that special goal, and I admire their determination and courage and belief that someday they will be parents. I also know that many are never able to attain what they desire. I know this, and have had personal experience with some of these wonderful people. That is one of my biggest fears : not getting to be a mommy to my own child. So at times, yes, I do feel selfish in wanting what I want and wanting it now. I also know that things will happen the way they are meant to when they are supposed to But....My logical mind says that 1. ) I am married and have been so going on 4 years, 2.) My husband and I have good jobs that are stable and to top that, they pay well. (Thank you very much, college education.) They also provide good benefits and insurance 3.) We own our home, it is not much but it is ours. 4.) We have decided that it is time to have a baby, because that is the next step for our family. PRESTO.....we should have a baby right?? Wrong!! We go to the doctor and take medicine and mark calendars and wait and ......repeat again next month, and the next, and the next. This, I think leads to my frustration and jealousy.
So this morning around 3am, I have a labor come in and eventually end up delivering her around 6 am. I like these kind of fast-paced deliveries. I liked my patient and her family. My discontent comes from the fact that she is 19 and this is her 3rd child. Yes, her 3rd. She is unmarried, no job, has a 10th grade education, no insurance, is on WIC, doesn't have an infant carseat, and she lives with her boyfriend/baby's daddy's family. This is not an uncommon senario that I see on a regular basis.
IT IS JUST NOT FAIR!!!
Now, I am not saying that she isn't entitled to having children, but what about me? That is the question that I end up asking myself and feeling like why does she get to have 3 babies by the time she is 19 and I can't even have 1 at 25 with all my logical statistics on my side?? This is again my mind knowing what is going on but I usually lead with my heart instead of my mind. And I seem to be more emotion led than logic led. I know this sounds like my own little pitty party, but this is how I feel. I also know that I am exposed to it at a completely overloaded scale because of my profession. But as the old saying goes, we always want what we don't have, and I want a baby. Boy or girl, little or big. I want a baby!!
Now that the little green envy door opened and let some out, I do feel better. I also know that I should TRUST that when the time does come for my magical miricale that it will special and wonderful and all this will just seem like a small mountain that I had to scale. I need to use a mixture of logic and emotion to deal with this in our lives for the time being. I also know that I need to have faith and patience and understanding that God will do what is best for me and Kevin and our family.
Things happen for a reason and I trust that reason!! (or at least I am doing my best to.) Kevin and I can just need to learn to relax in the passenger seat and allow someone else to drive.
As you all know, I work as an RN in Labor and Delivery. I see miricales and magic happen right before my eyes and that is one of the reasons that I love my job. I really do. Not many people can say that. I enjoy my work and being involved in the births of babies and being there for their families and witnessing joy is awesome. This I have not made a secret and I hope that my patients and co-workers can attest to that fact.
However, something that I have kept somewhat of a discloseure is the fact that I envy every woman that I take care of. Simply they are mommies, and I am not. I KNOW that my time will eventually come when Someone other than me decides that it is time for that to happen. I know that it is in God's control. I understand that with my mind, it is just very difficult to tell my heart that. Kevin and I want a child very much at this time and have been attempting to create our own magical miricale for a little over a year now. I know that time frame is very minimal to what some couples go through to acheive that special goal, and I admire their determination and courage and belief that someday they will be parents. I also know that many are never able to attain what they desire. I know this, and have had personal experience with some of these wonderful people. That is one of my biggest fears : not getting to be a mommy to my own child. So at times, yes, I do feel selfish in wanting what I want and wanting it now. I also know that things will happen the way they are meant to when they are supposed to But....My logical mind says that 1. ) I am married and have been so going on 4 years, 2.) My husband and I have good jobs that are stable and to top that, they pay well. (Thank you very much, college education.) They also provide good benefits and insurance 3.) We own our home, it is not much but it is ours. 4.) We have decided that it is time to have a baby, because that is the next step for our family. PRESTO.....we should have a baby right?? Wrong!! We go to the doctor and take medicine and mark calendars and wait and ......repeat again next month, and the next, and the next. This, I think leads to my frustration and jealousy.
So this morning around 3am, I have a labor come in and eventually end up delivering her around 6 am. I like these kind of fast-paced deliveries. I liked my patient and her family. My discontent comes from the fact that she is 19 and this is her 3rd child. Yes, her 3rd. She is unmarried, no job, has a 10th grade education, no insurance, is on WIC, doesn't have an infant carseat, and she lives with her boyfriend/baby's daddy's family. This is not an uncommon senario that I see on a regular basis.
IT IS JUST NOT FAIR!!!
Now, I am not saying that she isn't entitled to having children, but what about me? That is the question that I end up asking myself and feeling like why does she get to have 3 babies by the time she is 19 and I can't even have 1 at 25 with all my logical statistics on my side?? This is again my mind knowing what is going on but I usually lead with my heart instead of my mind. And I seem to be more emotion led than logic led. I know this sounds like my own little pitty party, but this is how I feel. I also know that I am exposed to it at a completely overloaded scale because of my profession. But as the old saying goes, we always want what we don't have, and I want a baby. Boy or girl, little or big. I want a baby!!
Now that the little green envy door opened and let some out, I do feel better. I also know that I should TRUST that when the time does come for my magical miricale that it will special and wonderful and all this will just seem like a small mountain that I had to scale. I need to use a mixture of logic and emotion to deal with this in our lives for the time being. I also know that I need to have faith and patience and understanding that God will do what is best for me and Kevin and our family.
Things happen for a reason and I trust that reason!! (or at least I am doing my best to.) Kevin and I can just need to learn to relax in the passenger seat and allow someone else to drive.
Wednesday, May 5, 2010
New Puppy
So after long months of mentioning and suggesting, we now have a new little addition to our family. Toby Tyler Tucker joined us on Monday, May 3rd. He is 6 wks old, 1/2 Great Pyranese. 1/2 Austrailian Shepard. We may evenutally be eaten out of house and home, but right now he is a keeper. Photos to come!!
Tuesday, May 4, 2010
Hello!!
Well this is a first. I have never blogged before, and I am wondering, "really, who is gonna read this or really even give a care about what is going on in our lives??" But here goes. I titled my blog The Tuckers, because really my life is, for the most part, centered around my husband and our wonderful, crazy, enourmous family and all the shenanigans they bring with them. That is not to say that I don't love them all dearly, but you know how families are. Haha. I guess I will start by giving a little history about Kevin and I. I will start with Kevin, he grew up on the lake in Guntersville and is a total country boy. Loves to hunt and fish and farm and all that country boy stuff. I, myself also grew up on a small farm in Arab. We had cows and horses and the occasional chickens. I am very versatile. Love being on the lake with Kev, but I also love shopping and pedicures and new hair do's. Kevin and I started in 2005 after I had graduated nursing school at Wallace and were married in Oct 2006. Since then it has been full-speed ahead and we haven't looked back. We live in Arab and I work as a RN in Labor and Delivery at the local hospital and Kevin works for Marshall County Gas. Right now we can't complain too much because life is good and God is great and we are happy. So if you are reading this... I may bore you to pieces, but just wait, you never know what is gonna happen in this crazy life of ours. So stick around because "the best is yet to come"!!
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